September 30, 2013

My Mom

My mom.. she was and is my best friend.. I could always talk to her about anything and everything..
For those of you who don’t know yet.. my mom passed away Sept 5th 2013, this year. 
She was diagnosed with stage 4 Lymphoma (cancer) 4 years ago.  The lymphoma was currently under control and was and has been in remission for 3 years now.  In June she started feeling full all the time and started having problems eating.  Well she refused to go to the doctor because she said she knew something was wrong and was determined to be at Chloe’s delivery.  She said she knew they were going to stick her in the hospital and she wouldn’t ever get out. Unfortunately she was right.   

3 days after baby Chloe was delivered (Sept 211) my mom went in the hospital and under went exploratory surgery and a hysterectomy.  She was in for about a week and came home.  She was not well enough to come home at all but they let her come home to be with Chloe and II.  It was very hard not being able to leave Chloe and go see my mom in the hospital.  She was home and out the hospital for about 5 days. Not even a whole week.  August 5th my dad said enough is enough, you have to go back into the hospital.  You are not well. You cant eat, your too weak, you can barely walk etc.  I knew something very bad was wrong. 

She underwent many many tests and 1 round of super aggressive chemo.  She was diagnosed with Signet Ring Cell Metastic Stomach Cancer. This basically means the cancer had spread throughout her entire abdomen.  The scary part is too that this all occurred within 3 months.  She had a routine pet scan in April and was clear.  And started showing these signs in late June early July.  Her 1 round of chemo was 5 days long. 24 hours a day.  I had never seen her so miserable. It was almost unbearable to watch. She was in so much pain.  She was in ICU for about 3 weeks.  The 4th week we moved her to the oncology floor.  Where she stayed for 1 more week.  Throughout that month we would have 1 nurse tell us we need to call in hospice, there is no hope etc.  Then we would talk to her oncologist and she would say don’t do that yet. Give the chemo a chance etc.  We went back and forth with doctors for an entire month.  I knew how stressed I was, I couldn’t even imagine how my mom felt.

September 4th I was suppose to go see my mom with my dad. I had arranged for my aunt to watch baby Chloe for me already.  My dad gets to my house and says we need to go now, totally freaking out.  I told him you need to tell me what is going on. I can handle it.  He told me she aspirated and wasn’t breathing well, we need to get there Now.  Basically I made a hour drive in 30 minutes to get to her.  Basically when we got there, I don’t even know if she knew who I was.  She was so out of it from all the chemo, and pain, and cancer.  It was awful to watch.  To watch someone you love so much suffering is horrible. 

We transported her to hospice that afternoon and had my aunt bring baby Chloe so she could hold her one last time.  I asked mom and she told me a couple of times she knew she was holding her. THANK GOD.  That is the number 1 thing I kept praying for, for mom to hold baby Chloe one more time.

She was passed away the next day, Sept 5th at 12:17 pm.


  1. My heart breaks for you and your loss. I am so sorry! It's bittersweet that you have the memory of your Mom holding Chloe for the last time. I know it's precious, but it's something I wish you never had to handle/remember. So glad she got to hold your baby girl again! I'm praying for you and your family!

  2. I was crying as I was reading this post. I wish I could say I don't understand, but unfortunately I do. My mother passed away 2 years ago and my baby girl will grow up not knowing her Gramma. And my nephew passed away from lymphoma when Kimber was 2 months old. Like you, I was so happy that he was able to meet & hold Kimber before he passed away. My thoughts & prayers go out to you and your family during this extremely difficult time.

  3. So a sorry for your loss, Samantha. Your mom was a wonderful lady.
    So glad she got to hold Chloe one more time.
    My thoughts and Prayers go out to you and your family.

  4. It just breaks my heart, Samantha. I am writing this through my tears. I'm so glad she got to hold the baby. I'm keeping you in my prayers. I know you'll share lots of special stories with Chloe as she grows up. Your mother was a special angel and now she can be a special angel watching over you and Chloe. All of my love, Diane

  5. I'm sorry for your loss...but seeing your baby being born was a wonderful gift for your mom. She knows you will be a great mom...

  6. Reading this just reminds us how precious life is. Your daughter will not only have the beautiful story's that I'm sure you will tell her about her grandmother, but she will also have grandmother watching over her. My heart hurts for you and my prayers go out to you and your dad. God bless you all and your precious baby.

    Warm hugs,


  7. Samantha, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. I've followed her blog for quite some time and knew something must have been wrong when she went so long without blogging. My thoughts and prayers for you and your Dad. I'm sure it was a special moment with your Mom holding baby Chloe. Your Mom was a very talented lady that loved her family and friends and I'm sure she will be missed. I will miss her too.

  8. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, Samantha. I have been a blog follower for many years and wondered about the absence of her blog. I know how hard it is to watch your mom die of cancer and feel so helpless to be able to stop the cancer or the pain as I watched my mom die of ovarian cancer. One minute I would wish for her passing just so she wouldn't be in pain anymore and the next I would want her to try anything she could to live. What a roller coaster of a ride. I am just so glad she got to meet and hold precious Chloe. I'm just so sorry for you that she won't be there to enjoy your daughter with you but know you have a special angel looking after her. Keeping your family in my heart and prayers.


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